NHS DIRECT

The provision of cancer treatment by the NHS, is one of those emotive issues which always gets kicked around by politicians. It is possible (some think it likely), that I am existing in some peculiar and idyllic parallel universe, but I have serious difficulty in reconciling the treatment I actually receive, with the treatment which the press tells me I receive. Yet again, this morning, I popped down to my local body garage, to sort out chemo and to get the results of my recent scan. Must tell you this bit before I continue with my main point. I think I have become a doctor. This is because my personal cancer wizard let me in on a secret which I’m sure only doctors are allowed to know and it was this: The first rule of medical oncology is that the tumour should shrink more than the patient. I didn’t want to show my ignorance by asking whether this was supposed to be in terms of size or mass but I guess he was referring to percentages. I rate this as a pretty neat way of summing up cancer treatment and I look forward to opening a private clinic now I have this valuable insight. Dr Cass Bro… STOP IT! Onward.

News on the scans is that nothing seems to be growing at a disconcerting rate (if at all) so the people expecting me to deliver their afterlife telegrams had better pay for second class post as delivery could be a bit late. As this does not qualify as "bad news", it most definitely gets into the "good news" category. Chemo in the form of pills was sorted out and will start taking them am tomorrow. The point I am getting to is yet again that only a small wait was involved this morning (I thought it took hours to qualify as a doctor and even longer as a vet) and everyone I saw was smiling. Nurses, doctors, (I put them in order of power) admin staff and even the patients. Damn it all I was in an oncology suite and the patients were smiling. There could be several explanations for this. Maybe cancergiggles has become required reading – not likely. Some form of stupor inducing gas is being used in the ventilation system – possible. In error, I had wandered into an oncology clinic for the criminally insane – just as likely. The real outside bet seems to be the only answer which fits the facts. They must be doing it right. That’s it. For once, the system, the admin, the medical people and everyone else not only know what they should do; they are doing it.

Now comes the big question. If this hospital can do it this well, why can't they all? I know that my medical people would like more money to be able to do more, but on a basic level like the smiling targets, it isn't about money it's about attitude. If you have read other parts of this site you will know that I contend that what is in a patients head is every bit as important as the drugs or the surgery. To quote an earlier French wizard who treated me, "I am zee artiste wiz de knife - eet ees wot is in you ed dat eez de surgeree" I couldn't have put it better in English. I think there is a problem with the perception (this are media phrases) that people "battle with" or have "long fights against" cancer which they normally need to lose to hit the press. I understand that newspapers find it difficult to write "Lord xxxx died peacefully yesterday after laughing himself silly for the past 3 years", but the truth is that the best thing the medical system can do is to make you happy. Happiness increases the effectiveness of any ancillary treatment that they might undertake like chopping bits out of you or filling you with chemicals however without it all the rest is likely to fail.
I’ve had a really happy day, but then I always do.