WHEN YOUR HEAD EXPLODES

WHEN YOUR HEAD EXPLODES

It isn’t until something goes slightly amiss that you realize that the big lump above your neck is quite sensitive. Like most people I have had the odd headache but now I’m experiencing something completely new. It appears that it is due to this damn blood clot I’m carrying around; I have no doubt that the wizards would have told me if my head was really going to explode, but the feeling is somewhat akin to having a high pressure air hose stuffed up your nose whilst all your other head exits have been taped over. This is the feeling whilst you are relatively stationary but on standing up, the air line is replaced by one of those heavy duty sludge pumps as the brain is reduced to the size of a walnut and is shrink wrapped.

Being able to have confidence in the Medical Wizards is a good thing and so far it has always been well placed. I wonder though whether even they, when faced with certain situations, decide to do an ostrich impersonation because they are so helpless and prefer not to go into explicit detail, particularly if knowledge of the certain outcome would exacerbate the condition. "Sorry Mr Brown, I don’t know when, but your head is definitely going to explode." could reasonably be expected to add a little to the tension already being experienced. This puts me in something of a dilemma, in that I had always said that I wanted to know everything, however bad. I do however think it would restrict my lifestyle somewhat if I was permanently expecting a large bang and consequently a big space where my head was, every time I stood up - or sat down – or breathed. The problem with this particular complaint is that unlike other pain type problems which can be dealt with, this one is actually situated in the bit that does the thinking and tends to get in the way of clear thought and logic. It’s like trying to do differential calculus in your head whilst on a rollercoaster (you wouldn’t catch me on one of those damn things – it must feel like your head is going to explode) having consumed an awful lot of wine.

The problem is one of perspective. A large stitched up hole in the stomach can easily be handled by passing the pain on to the "other you" that deals with that sort of thing. When it is the nut that if affected, the other you gets confused and doesn’t do its job properly. In this instance nobody knows who the hell is supposed to deal with what and more critically, should either you be concerned? Happily, perspective is something which Wizards give. After several days of feeling like hell, the Cancer Wizard phoned me and after a few minutes conversation, during which I don’t think he actually told me anything I didn’t already know, I put the phone down feeling completely at ease. I think I am pretty good at this stuff but this guy leaves me for dead. I honest to God didn’t see the second meaning of that last sentence until after I had typed it.