Medical Acronyms

I have just found a beautiful list of medical acronyms which has had us in fits of laughter. What has really amazed me is the number which I had thought I had "invented" for Cancergiggles", only to find that the meds already use them. I've edited about 75% of them out but there's a link to the full list at the bottom.

10th Floor Transfer - dying (floor number is always the next number on from the highest floor in the hospital).

Acute Hyponicotaemia - desperate for nicotine fix (cigarette)

Adminisphere - where hospital managers work, reckoned to be "another planet"

AFU & BR - all f***ed up & beyond repair

AGA - Acute Gravity Attack (fell over)

AGMI - Ain't Gonna Make It (won't survive)

Aggressive Euthanasia - A procedure that obnoxious patients would benefit from.

ALS - Absolute Loss of Sanity (nutcase)

AQP - Assuming the Q Position: deteriorating or dying with tongue hanging out

ART - Assuming Room Temperature (dead)

Blade - Surgeon: dashing, bold, arrogant and often wrong, but never in doubt

Blood Suckers - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs

BMW - Bitch Moan & Whine

Bordeaux - bloodstained urine

BUNDY - But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet

Bungee jumper - a patient who pulls on his catheter tube

Cabbage - heart bypass i.e. CABG (Coronary Artery Bypass Graft)

CBT - Chronic Burger/Biscuit Toxicity (obesity)

Celestial discharge - died

Celestial transfer - died (transferred to the Eternal Care Unit)

Cheerioma - a patient with a highly aggressive, malignant tumour

Coffin Dodger - survived against expectations, or a very old person

Cranio-faecal Syndrome - s**thead or s**t for brains

CRI - Cranial-Rectal Insertion or Cranial-Rectal Inversion (head-up-ass syndrome)

CRT - Can't Really Treat

CYA - Cover Your Ass; unnecessary procedure/prescription done to avoid being sued

DBI - Dirt Bag Index: number of tattoos x number of missing teeth = days since the patient last bathed

Deep fry - cobalt therapy

Departure lounge - geriatric ward

Donorcycle - motorbike: the biggest cause of donated organs!

DENTIST - Doesn't Even Need Treatment - It's Sorted, Truly

Doughnut - CT scanner

DWPA - Death/Dying With Paramedic Assistance

Eating In - Intravenous feeding

ECU - Eternal Care Unit: heaven ("gone to the ECU = dead)

EMS - Earn Money Sleeping (joke at expense of Emergency Medical Service)

Eternal Care - Intensive Care (for a patient who won't come out again)

FCBP - Fellow of the College of Bystander Physicians i.e. doctor having a look-see

FD - F*cking drunk

FDSTW - Found Dead Stayed That Way

FIRT - Failed impact resistance test (crash victim)

FORD - Found On Road Dead

FTF - Failed to Fly (botched suicide)

Gassers - anaesthetists

GDA - Gonna die anyway

Goat Rodeo - Emergency scene which goes badly (resembles a bunch of people riding or wrestling goats)

God's Waiting Room - intensive care unit and/or geriatric unit

Gone Camping - patient in oxygen tent

GPO - Good for Parts Only (won't survive)

GRAFOB - Grim Reaper At Foot Of Bed

GRAHOB - Grim Reaper At Head Of Bed

Guessing tubes - stethoscope

Hamburger (Helper) - Train or juggernaut vs pedestrian

House red - blood

HTK - Higher Than a Kite

Inbreds - doctors whose parents are also doctors

ISQ - In Status Quo ("no change"): often used during the weekend surgical round

ITBNTL - In The Box, Nail The Lid (dead or dying)

KFO - Knock the F*cker Out (patient either obnoxious or screaming in pain)

Leeches - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs

LOFD - Looks Okay From Door

LPT - Low pain threshold

LRO - Luck Ran Out (cheated death before, but not this time)

LWS - (US) Low Wallet Syndrome (No medical insurance or money)

Map of Antarctica - (NZ) appearance of fatal spontaneous brain haemorrhage on CT scan

MARPs - Mind Altering Recreational Pharmaceuticals

MCBP - Member of the College of Bystander Physicians i.e. doctor having a look-see

Metabolic clinic - the tea room

MFD, CFD - Measure For Box, Call For Dirt (severely ill [or dead or nearly so])

Mobile Drip Stands - Fire Dept (often found at emergencies alongside paramedics)

Mononeuronis Asynapsis - thick (one neuron, not connected!)

MUH - Messed up heart

Mushroom syndrome - suffered by lowly medics who are kept in the dark and have crap piled on them

NFN - Normal for Norfolk (rural area, suggests inbreeding or quaint rural oddness)

NGMI - Not Going to Make It

NKDA - Not known, didn’t ask

NLPR - No longer playing records (dying)

No Hopeamine - Dopamine

O sign - Patient unconscious with mouth open

OFIG - One Foot In the Grave

OFIGATOOS - One Foot In the Grave And The Other One Slipping

Ohno-second - The time from making an error (e.g. dropping that hard-to-get sample immediately after you got it) to going "oh-no"

OPD - Obnoxious Personality Disorder

Osteocephaly - boneheaded

Ostrich Treatment - pretend it's not there and hope it goes away

PAFO - Pissed [Drunk] And Fell Over

Pathology outpatients - Follow-up for dead people

Paws Up - dead

PBAB - Pine Box At Bedside

Percussive maintenance - the sharp tap/bang which cures faulty equipment

Pest control - term applied to psychiatrists by casualty officers

PGT - Pissed [Drunk] and Got Thumped

Pharmaceutically Enhanced Personality - stoned or medicated

Pillow Therapy - describes the urge to smother annoying patient (aggressive euthanasia, tontine treatment).

Policeman Lesion - lesion on an X-ray so obvious that a policeman would spot it

Pot Plant - person in a Persistant Vegetative State (often used in plural to mean coma ward)

Pumpkin Positive - a penlight shone into the patient's mouth/ear would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up

Q sign - Patient unconscious/terminal with mouth open and tongue hanging out; "Dotted Q" means flies land on tongue (dead/dying)

Qwertyitis - what a doctor suffers from when he spends more time on a computer than with actual patients

Rapid Lead Infusion - obnoxious patient ought to be shot

RBG - Received by God (a person in receipt of a Celestial Transfer)

Retrospectoscope - instrument of hindsight

Road Chilli - Unrestrained driver/motorcyclist or passenger, ejected and splattered

Rose cottage - mortuary

RT - Room Temperature (dead)

Rule of Five - if more than five of the patient's orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance

SBLEO - (pronounced S-B-Leo) Suicide By Law Enforcement Officer

SBOD - Stupid bitch/bastard on drugs

Scepticaemia - chronic condition suffered by two doctors in a debate over which therapy

Sidewalk Souffle - (US) suicide-by-jumping

Slashers - general surgeons

Smurf Sign - patient blue or going blue

SNUD - Sick Nigh Unto Death

SODDI - Some Other Doctor Did It (when one medic's botched jobs must be put right/answered for by someone else)

Summer Teeth - some are teeth and some aren't ...

SWAG - Scientific Wild Ass Guess

SWI - Something Wrong Inside

T&T Sign - Tattoo-to-Teeth Sign: survival indicator; those who are tattooed and toothless will survive major injuries

TBC - Total Body Crunch: multiple injuries

TDS - Terminal deceleration syndrome (e.g. RTA death, high-rise syndrome, jump-suicides and parachute-failed-to-open)

TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy

TFO - Too F*cking Old (person dying of old age).

TMB - Too Many Birthdays: person dying of "old age"

Tontine Treatment - Urge to put pillow over face of irritating patient (alludes to a type of will called a "tontine")

TSL - To Stupid to Live

UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury

UFO - Unidentified Frozen Object: unidentified dead homeless person in the winter

Unclear medicine - nuclear medicine

UNIVAC - Unusually Nasty Infection, Vultures are Circling

VAC - Vultures are Circling (dying)

Vampires - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs (also slang for blood donor service)

VIP - Very intoxicated person

WoGS - Wrath of God Syndrome (visited upon junior medics by more senior staff)

Woolly jumper - any non-acute physician

WNL - (Ambulance/casualty) Within Normal Limits, but more often interpreted as We Never Looked

WNL - Will Not Listen; patient won't take medical advice

Thanks to Dragonqueens Humor and Story Site